Outnumbered

I think it's going to take awhile for me to figure out how to manage this newborn + toddler thing. Several friends (who have no children) have said, "You've already been through the new baby thing...this should be easy!" Obviously, they have not spent much time with a 21-month old! It's not quite as simple to take care of a newborn when you have to be 100% focused on the toddler who is climbing/running/banging his way around the house.

Last night was my first time putting the Boy to bed on my own since Mei-mei was born. It didn't go quite as smoothly as I would have liked. Just as the Boy and I were climbing the stairs to read a book and go to sleep, Mei-mei started crying (she was downstairs in the pack-n-play). I couldn't leave the Boy alone on the stairs and I didn't want him to feel rushed in his bedtime routine, so we continued up the stairs, picked out a book, and I read to him as quickly as I could without taking any obvious shortcuts. The entire time, I could hear Mei-mei screaming her lungs out and it was all I could do not to throw the Boy in his crib and run downstairs. There's something physical that happens to a mother when her baby cries, and it's very difficult to ignore.

Tonight I was on my own again, and again, it didn't go very smoothly. This time, Mei-mei started crying while I was giving the Boy a bath. Obviously, I couldn't leave him alone in the bathtub. Since we were almost done with the bath anyway, I thought I could quickly dry him off and get him dressed for bed before tending to Mei-mei. So I pulled the plug to drain the tub, which is when Mei-mei kicked her screaming into high gear. She was hacking and coughing, so I ran to grab her and brought her into the bathroom while the tub drained. I ended up sitting on the floor of the bathroom nursing her while the Boy sat in the drained tub and air dried.

I thought that bedtime would be easier since Mei-mei had just nursed, but I was wrong. She started crying again as the Boy and I were heading up the stairs, so we had a repeat of last night. By the time I got back downstairs to pick her up, she had nearly cried herself hoarse. I was on the verge of tears myself and I held her until we both fell asleep on the couch.

It's absolutely heartbreaking to me, but I don't know how to handle it otherwise. The Boy still needs to be lifted and carried, so I can't wear Mei-mei in a carrier while taking care of him. Mei-mei isn't in any kind of schedule yet, so I can't predict when she's going to need to nurse. And she's reached that stage where she gets fussier in the evenings -- which is precisely when the Boy needs to eat, bathe, and go to bed. I'm just hoping that this stage won't last long, and we'll soon be in a rhythm that doesn't involve heart-wrenching sobs (from either of the babies OR the mama)...